My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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