i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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