she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
