i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Its about making memories worth repressing
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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