I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
