I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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