he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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