Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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