You really coming over, don't trick.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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