Three words: puerto rican gang bang
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
