Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
