And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
