Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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