oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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