I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
