sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
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