Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
