watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
