Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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