My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just had sex bonerless
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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