i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
