just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
nut hugger
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
