I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
