we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
