What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Vodka?
Forever.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
