Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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