So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
