why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Randomize
