i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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