I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
