new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
