I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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