Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
