I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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