Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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