Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He passed out mid-signature
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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