Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
