Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
