I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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