Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
