i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
