Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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