that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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