I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
