Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
