if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
