See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
