For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
