Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
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