i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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