I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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