weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
