There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Randomize
