Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
