Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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