What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
