So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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