No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
