I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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