I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think i peed on brittanys purse
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
