how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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