well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize