hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
