Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
