I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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