is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
