I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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