T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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