it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
