And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
