I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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