I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
