I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
