Tell her she can't have a vagina
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
