Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
