We named our party play list daddy issues
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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