he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
