What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
