if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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