Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
