I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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