She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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