She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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