the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
