you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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