how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
