Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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