you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
