problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
