you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
